Bye-Bye, Box

So with classes underway and having felt out my schedule for the first couple of days, I couldn't help but feel a little suffocated.  Since my first day of class freshman year, I have felt like I was in a box.  I tried decorating the box and bringing friends into the box, but when it came down to it... it was still just a box.

Having come into this semester with a new mind set, a new perspective and an old dream, I could finally see this box and felt frustrated that I would not be able to break out of it.  And then today happened. 

I had one of the most important conversations in my life with my dear friend and mentor Dr. Robyn.  It was chance that we were able to see each other, and I doubt I will ever regret the next hour that passed by.

I told her everything that's been going through my mind over the past month:  the stress of school, the pressure to do science, the need that I have to please everyone and never seeming to fully succeed.  I told her about the dreams I would have as a little kid about these people I had never met and stories I had never heard.  About these crazy thoughts and day dreams and doodles that I have notebooks filled with.  And I told her about feeling like physics is where my mind is but not where my heart is.

So in the few hours before drop/add day was over, I made the decision that I'm going to take a break from physics this semester and do a little soul searching.  I signed up for some media arts classes and am going to give film my time and dedication this semester.  If nothing comes of it, then nothing comes of it, but for right now I feel like this is what my heart is telling me to do.  My mind is fighting it, but for once in my life I'm not going to care what everyone else thinks and just do what I feel.

I had bad feelings about this semester and now I can't even go to sleep because I'm so excited about class tomorrow!  If that's not indication enough that I made the right choice, then I don't know what is.

Right after I made my decision, I called Haviland (yesterday was our anniversary) and we talked for a bit.  She mentioned how tomorrow is the first day of her senior year, and I couldn't help but think that tomorrow is the first day of my freshman year.  One and half years of college down and I'm pretty much starting all over again and I honestly couldn't be happier. 

I don't know what this semester will bring.  I don't know what story I'm writing anymore.  My outline is out the window and I almost feel as if I'm in the breeze with it.  I'm going into tomorrow with an open mind and ready to tackle whatever comes into my way next.

Also, I've entered into this 5-minute movie contest thing, which starts in 10 hours.  Man, this semester is like no other.